


ABCs of Philinda

by valantha



Series: Fun with drabbles [8]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble Collection, Episode: s01e09 Repairs, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers (2012), Pre-Series, Spoilers for episode s03e22, Tumblr Prompt, Undercover as a Couple, baby agents, season 3b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-06-02 07:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6557305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valantha/pseuds/valantha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty-six 100 word drabbles focused on Philinda: from their time at The Academy, to Bahrain, Phil's death, and their time on The Bus, in The Playground, and beyond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A-D

**Amuse Me** | SYM-posts

Phil knew something was wrong with May. It had been over a week since her last epic prank.

Now a wise man would hide, but nobody ever accused Phil of being wise.

Phil knocked on her door bearing a pint of double-chocolate-chunk-caramel-swirl ice cream, something he’d seen May indulge in after particularly tough days.

“What!?”

“I have ice cream?” Phil’s voice cracked, though it’d been years.

Soundlessly May let him in and took the proffered bribe.

After a few minutes of silence, May eating, Phil watching, May said, “My mom, she’s been shot. Again.”

Phil engulfed May in a hug.

* * *

**Break Me** | self-prompted

The day was sacrilegiously lovely. Mild, a light breeze, not a cloud to be seen. It should have been overcast, rainy, even a hurricane.

Melinda fell to her knees in the fresh sod in front of Phil’s grave, a bit of scotch sloshing from the bottle.

“I miss you Phil.”

“I never told you after… you know. How much you meant to me.”

“I love you. Loved. I should have been there. I shoulda had your back. That’s what partners do.”

Melinda stood unsteadily. She poured the remnants of the scotch over him. The last drink they would ever share.

* * *

**Call Me** | self-prompted

“Phil?” Melinda’s voice was weak with pain, which jolted him awake faster than ice water.

“Melinda, where are you? What happened?”

“Maria and I were out. She left with a guy and I couldn’t get a cab. I broke my heel and I think my ankle’s twisted.”

Phil was pulling his pants on before Melinda had finished the second sentence.

“Where are you?”

“Um, 18th and T?”

Phil grabbed a shirt from the top of the pile, “I’m on my way.”

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Warmth spread from his cheeks to his heart, “No problem, Melinda. That’s what partners are for.”

* * *

**Drink Me** | kitlee625

_Rap Rap Rap_

Phil groaned. It had been a long, hard, and cold mission and he just wanted to eat his Pho and watch his Supernanny.

_Rap Rap Rap_

Phil clomped to the door wanting whoever was there to go away, and was surprised to see Melinda through the peephole.

“I’ve got scotch,” Melinda said in lieu of a standard greeting when he opened the door.

“In that case, welcome,” Phil joked.

Mere moments later, they toasted, ‘clinking’ Phil’s Captain America tumblers, and downed the two fingers of scotch.

Melinda sighed, shoulders sagging. Phil turned Supernanny back on. He smiled.


	2. E-H

**Enamor Me** | self-prompted | undercover as dating

Phil knocked on Lin-Lin’s door, aware of the scrutiny of the little old lady next door and the rub of his intentionally poor-fitting tweed jacket.

“Good evening,” May – no Lin-Lin – said, “Are those for me?”

Phil blushed and shoved the sunflowers at Lin-Lin.

“Thank you,” she practically whispered.

May left, giving Phil an opportunity to case the apartment complex, discreetly bugging a picture frame and placing a camera in a ficus planter, pointed at the suspect’s door.

He turned at the sound of Lin-Lin’s door opening, “You look lovely.” _It was true._

May ducked her head, “Thanks.”

They left arm-in-arm.

* * *

 **Fight Me** | girlpassingby

May began seriously regretting getting out of bed this morning as swarms of goons flooded down the stairs into the ‘secret’ underground lab. (When would evil scientists learn that the sudden uptick in electricity usage _always_ alerted the authorities?)

“I’ve got your six,” Phil murmured, aiming his service weapon at the politely waiting goons.

“You’d better. This is all your fault,” May hissed back.

“Hey, she was working on a super soldier serum, how could I resist that!”

May snorted.

“I’ll get the 20 on the left, you take the 30 on the right?” Phil suggested.

May nodded her agreement.

* * *

 **Get Me** | self-prompted | gift for sym-posts

Her phone rang, “Yes?”

“Mellie?”

“Damn it, Phil; I told you only my father can call me that.”

“I know, but it’s so cute…”

“What do you want?” Melinda interrupted.

“Well, I went hiking in [Turkey Run](https://www.nps.gov/gwmp/planyourvisit/turkeyrun.htm) and I think I sprained my ankle.”

“You went by yourself?”

“Yes, mother.”

Melinda snorted, “Okay, I’m on my way. How far from the trailhead are you?”

“Maybe two miles? Thanks Mel-”

Melinda coughed.

“-inda.”

“You do know it’s rush hour, so it’ll take me at least an hour.”

“I know,” Phil didn’t sound sufficiently apologetic.

“You owe me a drink, or cookies.”

* * *

 **Haunt Me** | CrazyMaryT | Season 1 episode 9 Repairs tag

A smile ghosted over May’s face. She was glad Phil was acting normally, like himself -- hanging out with the children, laughing.

When Fury first told her the parameters of the mission, she was apprehensive. She didn’t know if she had it in her to put her best friend down, or keep going after she’d done her duty. Well actually that was her third thought. Her first reaction was soul-solace and delight. Her second, outrage.

But watching him all these weeks, trying to keep her distance, it was exhausting. Far preferable to trusting someone else with the task, but exhausting.


	3. I-L

**Invite Me** | self-prompted | AU-Alternate pilot episode

May could feel the prickle of someone’s gaze at her back. She ignored them –- likely some n00b who’d just heard about The Cavalry -– and stapled the SF-86b she’d just completed with a bit more force than strictly necessary.

“Melinda?”

She turned. Her stomach lurched. Her hands fisted unconsciously. She was staring at a ghost.

“Phil?”

“In the flesh.”

“You died.”

“Only for a few minutes.”

“You died,” she repeated.

“Only ‘cause you didn’t have my back.”

It wasn’t a joke, but it wasn’t accusatory either. May stared at her paperwork, her cubicle.

“Come with me?”

“Into the field?”

“Please? Partner?”

* * *

**Join Me** | xyber116

“Come on Melinda!” Phil pouted and batted his eyes at her.

“No.”

Daisy joined him with the puppy-dog eyes, “It’s a good morale booster. And you don’t want Phil to be with Lincoln.”

May smirked.

“Hey, I thought I was with you!” Lincoln interrupted.

Daisy waved him off.

“Fine.” May agreed.

“Yes!” Phil exulted, “We’re going to wipe the floor with y’all!”

And they did.

Phil masterfully swung May toward the batch of balls, and May adroitly captured them in her laundry basket. Not even Joey and Elena (powerless) could compete.

Phil and May were declared Hungry, Hungry Hippos champions.

* * *

**Kill Me** | self-prompted | AU

It started with illicit wall-art and descended into crazy ramblings. That was when Melinda had no choice but to loop-in Fitzsimmons.

If it had just stayed at crazy babbling, then perhaps Melinda’s plan C -– an Australian ‘vacation’ -– would have worked, but soon paranoia and violent urges joined the mix.

She inspected the empty body that had once been her friend and partner.

Fitzsimmons’ solution didn’t work and Phil -– the real Phil -– would have rather died than attack innocent children. He had left her with no choice but to execute plan E.

May stared longingly at her gun, before holstering it.

* * *

**Love Me** |  xyber116 | potential season 3 finale

The world was literally –- okay except for that small pocket of jet fuel, figuratively -– burning around them. The skeletal remains of Hive lay at their feet.

May was smiling, sporting a constellation of nicks on her face and arms, but smiling. Phil had never seen anything so beautiful -– no, not even Lola, freshly-waxed.

He stepped forward, crushing his lips against hers. She wrapped her arms around the nape of his neck and refused to let him go.

Eventually they paused for air.

“I’m so glad you’re safe. I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“I know,” May replied smirkingly.


	4. M-P

**Mourn Me** | anonymous | A day or two before [Break Me](http://valanthaliadon.tumblr.com/post/142155012841/break-me-philinda-self-prompted-also-works)

Melinda watched the clouds roll along, trying to tune out the droning of the minster. He didn’t know the first think about Phil, spouting drivel about his actuarial cover and his love of cats (false), steadfast nature (true), and his love of collectibles (also true).

From her position near the back, sandwiched between Maria and Sitwell, she could see Phil’s girlfriend from Portland, Amber’s (??) back shake with sobs.

Each spasm drove the knife in deeper. Melinda hadn’t been able to mourn Phil. Not yet. Melinda hadn’t forgiven herself, Fury, anyone. Not yet. She could hardly accept that he _was_ gone.

* * *

**Nurse Me** | melindathecavalrymay | Since I already wrote [Unsuited for/ The Rage of War](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3315824)

“Phil?” Melinda’s voice pierced his dreams.

He woke to gentle yet calloused hands stroking his forehead and cheek.

“You’re sick.”

“Uhhhhaaa,” he groaned. He lifted his head from his desk, “I’m the director, I don’t get sick.”

“You’re hot.”

“I didn’t know you felt that way,” he joked half-heartedly.

“You’re sweating,” Melinda retorted.

“I glisten.”

“You fell asleep in your office.”

“Well…”

May helped him stand up, “If you be good and take a nap, I’ll make you some miso soup.”

“With extra ginger?” Phil asked hopeful as he allowed Melinda to lead him through the Playground.

“ _If_ you’re good.”

* * *

**Offer Me** | anonymous | Same universe as [Blue Stuffed Camel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2622260)

Phil pushed open the door to her hospital room softly.

May glared at him. She was in no mood for Phil, or his gentle smiles, or whatever outrageous gift he came bearing.

Phil was undeterred or oblivious and set a pink giraffe on her bedside table. His first gift, a brown teddy bear, he’d tried to prop on her bed, only to have her toss it in his face, broken wrist or no.

“I saw Maria yesterday, she said she’d come visit you this weekend,” Phil began his indeterminable gossip.

May refused to let his chatter sooth her. She refused.

* * *

**Paint Me** | dianemaryallison | PG13

Phil adjusted the reflective diffusers eliminating the shadows on Melinda’s –- no _Tina’s_ –- flawless skin. She reclined in an odalisque pose.

“See class, with proper lighting, even nipple shadows can be eliminated, reducing the need for time-consuming post-production editing,” Phil lectured.

As Phil wandered around the class, critiquing the composition the student’s shots, he couldn’t help but wonder why on earth they were chosen for this mission. Everyone knew Melinda hated undercover work, and keeping an eye on a spoiled brat, even one who was destined to run the world’s largest defense contractor, didn’t require agents of their caliber.

Oh well…


	5. Q-T

**Quiet Me** | anonymous | PG13 | Another take on The Well

Melinda felt the thrum of power course through her. She felt blood drip from her hands and the same sick feeling of watching life fade from a little girl’s body.

All her breathing exercises, all her tai chi, none of it was enough this time.

Moments later, with minimal thought, May found herself knocking on Phil’s door.

A groggy Phil opened the door. May shoved her way in.

“I need to feel alive. I need to feel life.”

Phil blinked.

May smashed her lips against his and ran her hands down, plunging past his PJs to stroke his awakening dick.

* * *

**Remember Me** | anonymous | Post Tahiti (references [Blue Stuffed Camel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2622260))

Melinda rapped softly against to open hospital door and craned her neck. There he was. Alive.

“Melinda May as I live and breathe!” Phil joked.

Melinda clenched her jaw, which must have been apparent to Phil.

“Too soon?”

“Too soon.”

Melinda entered the room and cautiously unveiled the gift behind her back.

“A purple panda?” Phil asked.

Stoically –- and Melinda is good at stoic -– she asked, “Do you remember?”

“From after Bahrain; of course I remember. I only died for a few minutes! It’s not like I got a concussion or something.”

He _seemed_ like Phil, he joked like Phil.

* * *

**Shag Me** | xyber116 | Season 3, episode 22, those 6 months, right after Tell Me (below)

“Phil?”

“I can’t put my personal feelings aside and make the hard calls, but you can. You do. I don’t know how you do it without becoming brittle, but I know you’ll be a great director.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

May – Melinda – pulled his face down to hers and kissed him fiercely.

Phil panted, “Wow. I should have resigned years ago.”

Melinda snorted, tugging him from his – no, her – office, toward the bunks.

“Are _you_ sure?” Andrew had only been dead a few days.

“Yes. Just so you know, I’m not the director yet.”

“Aye-aye, ma’am.”

May slapped his ass.

* * *

**Tell Me** | self-prompted | Season 3, episode 22, those 6 months

Lincoln was dead, Daisy was shattered, dozens of good agents turned, and it was all his fault. He had crossed the line he swore he’d never cross and proven that he didn’t deserve the title ‘director.’

He approved Fitzsimmons’ request for leave and stared at his badge.

“It’s not all your fault.”

He hadn’t even heard May enter.

“I don’t deserve to be director.”

“No, you don’t.”

Phil blinked, surprised.

“But being director isn’t about deserving it or not, it’s about making the hard calls and doing your best.”

“Which is why I’m resigning and naming you my successor.”

“Phil?”


	6. U-X

**Unbind Me** | anonymous

Phil and Melinda have freed each other many times in many different scenarios.

Melinda had rescued Phil from Gonzales, cutting his ignoble zip tie.

Phil had freed Melinda from Andrew’s handcuffs – something he thought he’d never do, or at least not in a very awkward ‘I DID not want to know that about your sex life’ kind of way.

Melinda had even freed them after they’d been bound together during an Academy exercise.

But one thing neither of them would have ever imaged during any of those events; is that someday they’d free each other like this, with divorce papers.

* * *

**Value Me** |  anonymous

Melinda stepped out of Sun Salutation and glanced at Phil. He’d stumbled into the smaller gym in the middle of her third cycle and had been watching her ever since, his coffee stinking to high-heaven.

She glanced at him debating asking him what he was doing up so early. She got up at 4, he slept in until 6:30 or even later some days.

Apparently that glance was the only invitation he needed.

“What are you doing?”

May glared.

“I don’t know how you do it.”

May was silent.

“You’re so graceful, and beautiful…”

May coughed.

“And lethal and perfect.”

* * *

**Wed Me** |  pirateswaan | season 4 (hopefully)

Melinda was watching Fitzsimmons waltz, their seventh dance as husband-and-wife. Phil thought he was familiar with every non-expression Melinda made, but she appeared almost wistful.

“Hey! Thinking about Andrew?”

“No.”

Phil waited, watching Melinda watch the happy couple.

“Andrew’s my past.”

Phil knew Melinda would talk when she was ready.

“You’re my future.”

He was not ready for that answer. He felt himself redden. And harden. He damned her understandable secrecy mandate.

Melinda smirked, having _of course_ read his mind, “The after-party is going to go late into the night. I’m sure we can sneak out during Hunter’s third toast.”

* * *

**X Me – Tie Me** | devilgrrl42 | Sometime season 3B

After his fifth try, Phil threw his dark-blue-silver-striped tie down in disgust.

Fitz claimed the new hand had the manual dexterity of his original human hand. Jemma suggested that it was psychosomatic. That he didn’t want to regain the use of his hand.

He gathered all of his ties and wadded them up; he was headed for waste reclamation, when May appeared from nowhere.

“Need some help?”

“No.”

“Just because things change, doesn’t mean they can’t return to normal someday.”

She extricated his favorite tie from the wad and settled it around his neck. She tied a classic Windsor.

“There.”


	7. Y & Z

**Yahoo Me** | self-prompted

“We made it,” Phil exulted.

“We made it,” Melinda agreed, clinking her $5 bottle of champagne against his.

They had successfully completed the classroom exams and field exercises of their second year at the Academy. They still had a ways to go before they were S.H.I.E.L.D agents, but it was certainly a day for celebration, a day for Andre, not whiskey.

Somehow, Phil knocked his bottle causing the cheap bubbly to cascade out.

Melinda couldn’t help but laugh at his failed attempts to catch the bubbly in his mouth. He had fizz in his hair and his shirt was soaked.

* * *

**Zip Me** | anonymous

Melinda glared at the red sequined dress with distaste. It would reveal far too much skin, make it that much more difficult to hide a firearm on her person, and –- this was the worst thing about the dress -– it went with 6-inch red heels that would make a fast escape (if need be) damn near impossible.

Oh well, glaring at it wouldn’t fix anything.

Melinda fled into the hotel bathroom and started changing.

She cursed to discover it was so skintight it was impossible to zip up herself.

“Phil!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Zip me?”

He helped.

His tie matched her outfit.

**Author's Note:**

> [Prompts from Ask Box Memes](http://askboxmemes.tumblr.com/post/31099194023/even-more-drabbles). You can see which prompts I've filled [on Tumblr](http://valanthaliadon.tumblr.com/post/142519528366/friday-saturday-promptathon) as [valanthaliadon](http://valanthaliadon.tumblr.com) and prompt me here or over there.
> 
> I'll be posting as I complete them on Tumblr and sequentially here.


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